Jokes In Hindi

“चैन से जीने के लिए चार रोटी और दो कपड़े काफ़ी हैं “।
“पर ,बेचैनी से जीने के लिए चार मोटर, दो बंगले और तीन प्लॉट भी कम हैं !!”

“आदमी सुनता है मन भर..
सुनने के बाद प्रवचन देता है टन भर..”
और खुद ग्रहण नही करता कण भर ।।”

डॉक्टर – आपको क्या बिमारी है ?

मरीज़ – पहले आप वादा करो की हंसोगे नहीं ।

डॉक्टर – OK…Promise…

मरीज़ ने अपनी टांगे दिखाई जो माचिस की तीली जितनी पतली थी ।

डॉक्टर को यह देख के हंसी आ गयी ।

मरीज़ – आपने ना हंसने का वादा किया था ।

डॉक्टर – अच्छा Sorry…
अब तकलीफ बताओ ।

मरीज़ – डॉक्टर साहब, यह सूज गयी है ।

डॉक्टर – हाहाहाहा… भाग साले…
तू आया ही हंसाने के लिए है…

पति को बाजार जाते हुए देख पत्नी ने पैसे देकर कहा
“कुछ ऐसी चीज़ लाना जिस से मैं सुन्दर दिखूं”

पति खुद के लिए Whisky की दो बोतल ले आया

इंसान सब से ज़्यादा माफ़ी किस के सामने मांगता है?
सोचो…

सोचो सोचो… !

आप सोच रहे हो वाइफ??
नहीं,

भिकारी के सामने – “माफ़ करो बाबा”

ट्रैन में TT: मैडम बच्चो की उम्र क्या है?

मैडम:
2 साल,
2.5 साल,
और 3 साल ,

TT:
मैडम उम्र चाहे काम बताओ
पर उम्र में अंतर तो ठीक से बोलो..
बच्चे हैं या पिल्लै..!!

SOURCE:- Jokes In Hindi

Hindi Meme

Jokes in Hindi

FUNNY JOKES

हिन्दी टीचर: विजय माल्या का सन्धि विछेद करो।।।।।

बालक: विजय + माल+ले+गया ।

बन गया विजय माल्या..

टीचर: शाबाश!

………………………………………………………………………………….

लड़के का पिता अपने लड़के को बेदम मार रहा था…

पडोसी: क्यों मार रहे हो इतना, क्या हुआ??

लड़के का पिता: कल सुबह इसका स्कूल का result आनेवाला है…

पडोसी: लेकिन आज क्यों मार रहे हो??

लड़के का पिता: भाई मैं कल अपने गाँव जा रहा हूँ…!!

………………………………………………………………………………….

आज मैँने अपनी GF के फोटो पर कमेन्ट किया CUTEEE . . . .

.

GF ने मुझे कॉल करके 100 गालियॉ दी !

.

मैँने पुछा आखिर मैँने किया किया क्या है ??

.

GF : तूने “कुत्ती” क्यूँ बोला ?

.

कसम से यार रोना आ गया. . .

………………………………………………………………………………….

पति बाल्कनी में खड़ा खड़ा मस्ती से गा रहा था..

“पंछी बनूं उड़ता फिरुँ मस्त गगन में..

आज में आज़ाद हूँ दुनिया के चमन में..”

रसोई में से बीवी की आवाज़ आई:

“घर में ही उड़ो, सामने वाली मायके गई है।”

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बीवी:

जो आदमी रोज शराब पीकर आये उसके लिए मेरे मन में कोई हमदर्दी नहीं है..!

पति:

जिसको रोज शराब मिल जाये, उसे तुम्हारी हमदर्दी की जरुरत भी नहीं है!!

Source:   Funny Jokes

'Joke' n 'SMS'

EK GUBBARE WAALE KI ….

Ek gubbare waale ki dukan ke bahar likha tha:

Agar apne bacche ko gubbara nahi dila sakte to waqt pe gubbara chadha liya karo….!!:O X_X

samjdaar bachche kaha gye ??  

KID PAPPU APNI MAA S ….

Kid Pappu Apni Maa Se Puchta Hai: “Maa Mein Tumhari Shadi Ke Bad Hi Kyu Paida Hua?”

Maa: “Tumhe Bahar Aane Ka Rasta Nahi Malum Thha, Tumhare Dad Ne Khod Khod Kar Rasta Banaya“   

AGAR NIP@LES KO HIND ….

Agar NIP@LES ko Hindi me

‘BUNDI’ kahete hai

To

B”BS ko kya kahenge?

BUNDI

Ke

LADDU

( ) ( )     

EK BAAR EK AADMI BAN ….

Ek baar ek aadmi BANGKOK ja raha tha… uski wife ne… naa chaahte hue bhi use jaane ki permission de di.

Jis din wo ghar se nikal raha tha… jaate jaate usko wife ne bulaaya aur 12 condoms ka ek packet dekar boli: Jaanu, ise rakh lo, agar dil kare toh…”

Husband: Nahin darling, iski zaroorat nahin padegi.

Wife: Rakh bhi lo na jaanu, kahin mann ho gaya kuch karne ka toh ?

Aadmi khush ho jata hai aur sochta hai, “Waah kya biwi mili hai!”

Achaanak uski wife awaaz de kar usko phir bulati hai aur kehti hai, “Ruko, usmein se 2 mujhe de do… kahin mera mann ho gaya toh…”

BC Trip Cancelled…         

KAHIN KAALE-GORE LAD ….

Kahin Kaale-Gore lad rahe hai to kahin Hindu-Musalman..

Kahin Israel-Gaza to kahin India-Pakistan..

Pyaar to Bhenchod sirf Blue Flims me hi reh gaya hai..    

COLLEGE MEIN PAPPU A ….

College Mein Pappu Aur Uski Ek Friend Canteen Ke Bahar Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe

Pappu Ki Friend Ne Ahista Se Pappu Ko Bola

Ladki: “Main Apni Zindagi Mein Koi Lamba Hath Maarna Chahti Hoon”

Pappu Kameene Pan Se Bola: “Tum Sirf Hath Maaro Lamba Khud Hi Ho Jayega“ 

BOY: I WANT TO BE IN ….

Boy: I want to be in a relationship.

Girl: It’s okay but under one condition.

Boy: Which one ?

Girl : No sex, because I am preserving it for my future husband.

Boy: That’s okay, I also have my condition.

Girl: Which one ?

Boy: No using of my money because I am preserving it for my future wife!!!

Girl: Lo tum toh serious ho gaye… Arre I was kidding jaanu…  

     

Source : Jokes in Hindi

Dirty Jokes in Hindi

Yoga

Yoga teacher - Bacchho batao main ek paon par kab aur kyun khadi hoti hun?

Intelligent answer by one student - Madam! nahaane ke baad panty pahnate samay.

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Aids

Ek bar ek sardar aur sardarni chicken meat lene chicken shop par jaate hai aur kasaai se rate puchte hai. Kasaai ek mota taza murga dikhata hai aur kahata hai - bahan ji iska rate 180 rupye kilo hai, kyonki ye desi murga hai.

Sardarni - nahi-nahi ye to bahut mahnga hai. Ek desre murge ki taraf ishara karke (jo ki kam mota hota hai), puchti hai - iska kya rate hai. Kasaai - bahan ji ye brailer hai iska rate 150/- kilo hai.

Sardarni ye bhi mahnga hai. Phir ek murge ki taraf ishara karke puchti hai, jo ki aur kam mota hai - iska kya rate hai. Kasaai - bahan ji iska rate hai to 80 rupye kilo magar aap ye murga mat lo isko AIDS ki bimaari hai.

Peechon Sardar ji bole - koi  gal ni, le le bhagwane, appa vi enu khana hi hai kerha edi bund maarni hai.

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Sariya

Ek bar ek lohe ki dukan par phone aaya.

Dukandar - hello kaun?

Phone wala -  sariya hai?

Dukandar - hai.

phonewala - to gaand me le le.

dukandar ko hairaani ke sath-sath bada gussa bhi aata hai ki ye kaun badtameez hai. Agle din phir se phone aata hai.

dukandar - hello kaun?

phonewala - sariya hai?

is bar dukandar savdhani se kaam leta hai aur kahta hai - nahi hai.

phonewala - kyun bhosdin ke, gaand me le liya kya?

Agle din phir phone aata hai.

Dukandar - Hello !

Phonewala - Hello Sariya hai?

Dukandar (aur bhi sawdhani se) - Hai bhi aur nahi bhi.

Phonewala - Kyun saale, Gaand me leke andar bahar kar raha hai kya?

Ab dukandar sochta hai ki is bande se badla liya jaye. wo wapis phone karta hai aur puchta hai - sariya hai?

phonewala - kyon be saale gaand me lega kya?

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Manmohan Singh

Taxi wala Manmohan singh ko phone pe bola - veer ji, ya to Petrol/Diesel sasta kar do ya sarson ka tel.

Ya to taxi chala ke ghra chala lenge ya gaand marwa ke.

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Zor

Failed student ke papa class teacher se - Madam! Thoda aap tight raho thoda main zor lagata hun. Bhagwan ne chaha to is saal baccha nikal hi jayega.

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Railway Reservation Form

Santa ne railway reservation form mein Ling ki jagah 6 inch likh diya.

Lady behind counter - Ye kya likha hai kato isko.

Santa - Kitna?

Lady - Pura.

Santa - Maan chudao saalo, main Bus se chala jaonga.

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Government Job

Ek Aadmi Government job ke liye interview dene gaya.

Interviewer - Aapki koi majboori to nahi?

Aadmi - Ji sir, main pahle fauz me tha aur jung ke dauraan meri taango ke bich ek bomb phata aur mere Tatte ud gaye.

Interviewer - OK, aap Monday se join kare. Hum sab 9 baje aa jate hai aap 11 baje tak aa jana.

Aadmi - aisa kyun?

Interviewer - Hum sab 11 baje tak kuch nahi karte bas Tatte khujate rahte hai.

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Pyar Kya Hai?

Ek bar ek prostitute/ gashti ki beti apni maan se puchti hai - Maan, ye pyaar kya hota hai?

Maan - kuch nahi hai beti, sab free me chodne ke bahaane hai.

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Birbal se Panga !!

Taansen ko sabhi jante hai,lekin ye nahi jante ki woh rani jodha bai ke mommo par bahut marta tha. Uski dilli tamanna thi ki woh ek baar rani ke mommo ko ji bhar ke chuse. Apni ye tamanna usne ek din Birbal ko bataai.

Birbal - agar main tujhe ye moka dila dun to?

Tansen - yaar jo mangega tujhe dunga. bas ek baar mera ye kaam kar de.

Birbal - To phir tu mujhe ye vaada kar ke main jo bhi mangunga tu mujhe dega.

Tansen - OK

Birbal usko apna plan btata hai jise sunkar Tansen ki aankhen khushi se khil jati hai. Plan ke mutabik Birbal ek khujli wala powder rani ki bra mein daal deta hai. Jab rani vo bra pahnati hai to use khujli shuru ho jati hai aur rukne ka naam nahi leti. Vo ye baat akbar ko btati hai. Akbar Birbal ko akele me bulakar usse ye baat btata hai aur kahta hai.

Akbar - Birbal, tum hi hame is khujli ka koi ilaz batao.

Birbal - Maharaj is tarah ki khujli sirf ek khas prakar ke laar se thik hoti hai aur vo laar Tansen ke munh me hai.

Akbar foran Tansen ko bulata hai aur kahta hai - Tansen aaj mugliya khandan ko tumhari sevao ki jarurat hai. Rani jodhabai ke mommo ki khujli sirf tumhare munh me paye jane wale laar se hi mit sakti hai. Isliye foran rani ke kaksh me jao aur apni laar se unke mommo ki khujli dur karo.

Tansen ki to jaise lottery nikal aayee. Woh foran rani ke room me jaata hai aur ji bhar ke uske momme chusta hai. Jab uska dil bhar jata hai to plan ke mutabik ek powder munh me daalkar phir thodi der chusta hai. Jisse uski khujli mit jati hai aur wo kamre se bahar nikal aata hai.

Baahar use Birbal milta hai aur kahta hai - Han to Tansen tumhara kaam ho gaya ab aa gayi mere Inaam ki baari.

Tansen saaf mukr jata hai - Kaun sa Inaam? Mujhe Kuch yaad nahi. Mera to kaam ho gaya.

Birbal - Bacchu mujse panga le ke bahut pachtayega.

Tansen - dekhenge.

Agle din Birbal wo khujli wala powder akbar ke underwear/ kacche me daal deta hai.

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Mujhe Mauka Do !!

Ek Ladki ka phone bajta hai.Tring...Tring...

Ladki - Hello !

Ladka - Hello, Chintu hai?

Ladki - nahi hai.

Ladka - Mujhe mauka do, ho jayega.

Source : Jokes in Hindi

Yamraj Non Veg Hindi Jokes 2018

Yamraj: Tumne Punya or Paap dono kiye hai.... Is liye Swarg me NaraK milegA...

AAdmi: Vo kaiSe??

Yamraj: Roj Raat Ko 2 Glass Daru & 1 Ladki milegi

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Glaas me ched Hoga, Par ladki me nhi....

Mstikhor bchha

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Girl: Meri BRA Ka Kiya Size Hain..?

.

Boy: 32..

.

Girl: Kaise.?

.

Boy: Kal Toh Kholi Thi..

.

Girl: Magar Meri Bra Par Number Nahi

Hain..

.

Boy: Toh Kiya Hua.. Civil

Engineer Hun Plot

Dekh Kar Area Bata Sakta

Hoon..!

Source : Jokes in Hindi

TOP 100 HINDI JOKES 2013 (NEW)

TOP 100 Funny Images 2013 (New*)

1. b bhai behen bichadne ka kya hua anjaam ??

Dnt say wah wah Plz feel the pain ... (o_O )

bhai behen bichadne ka kya hua anjam ??

MUNNA bana MBBS aur MUNNI hui badnaam..

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2.An old Indian women slips on ice

an falls..

She cries.. "Hai meri kismat"..

A gora walks past and says..

"Hi merry christmas to u Too".X_X

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3. Sardar picnic par gaye whan ja kar yaad aaya ke pepsi to ghar bhul gaye.

Decide kia ke sab se chhota sardar ja kar Pepsi le aaye,

Sardar: Main is shart par jata hu ke tum mere ane tak smose nahi khaoge.

Dono ne kaha thik hai.

1 din guzar gaya sardar nahi aaya.

2 din guzar gaye.

Dono ne socha ke ab samose kha lene chahiye.

Jaise hi smosa uthaya chota sardar ped ke peechhe se nikal k bola. "AISE KAROGE TO MAIN NAHI JAAUNGA"

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4. Pappu’s Atittude In Exams.

They Give Me Questions Which I Don’t Know.

So………………

I Give Them Answers Which They Don’t Know.

Why???

“Tit For Tat“

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5. Santa: Yaar answer sheet par sabse pehle kya likhu?

Banta: Yehi ki is answer sheet par likhe gaye sabhi answers kalpnik hain jinka kisi bhi book se koi smbandh nahi hai.

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6. Teacher : Google is a girl or a boy..?

..

..

..

Student: Google is a Girl.....because it won't let you complete

the whole sentence and start guessing, suggesting.....and

you ask only one question.....

but get hundreds of irrelevant answers in seconds...

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7. A muslim girl wearing a burka was going on the road.

The boy going just behind the girl said,"Rafta Rafta dekho aankh jisse ladhi hain."

Girl Replied,"Aankh Jisse ladhi, tere baap se bhi badhi hain

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8. Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!

Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.

Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions.

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9. A boy said

I Love U to a girl

Bt

Girl replied

Sorry i lv someone else

The boy in sad mood looked

at d girl & said

"Batau tere baap ko?" ;-) :D

Source : Jokes in Hindi